At the moment I'm writing this on my nephew's computer, who was nice enough to provide his bedroom as an escape place for me. So... What happened?
Today my parents, sister and I had planned to go to my aunt's place, where they would hold their annual barbecue for the birthdays of the whole household. They always celebrate their birthdays like this. Every year I look forward to this, as they are very nice and kind family and I love the barbecue.
Also, every year they have party tents in their backyard with loud music coming from big musicboxes. Luckily, I can usually just go outside to get my food and then quickly get into the living room, where the music isn't too loud. After a while, my parents and brother and sister (depending on who tagged along) usually sit next to me to keep me company and soon a few other family members join the conversation. Usually family members with children, who can't take too much of the loud noise and the crowd in the backyard themselves.
This year we went to the party again. I, once again, looked forward to this. Only, when I entered the living room, something major has changed. It seemed they had connected two more music boxes to be set in the living room, so there would be music all around. A very nice thought... Except for me. This quickly took away the last hiding place from the music I had. I tried, for a few seconds, to be okay with it, but I had no chance. The beatings of the bass and the loudness of the ongoing music was felt deep into my stomach. I couldn't concentrate on much else anymore, except for the music and it shattered everything within me. I quickly broke down into tears and held tight to my mum. I told her I had no idea where to go or what to do.
My mum asked my aunt if at least the music inside could be turned down or off. My aunt explained that the boxes were fixed to the whole system, so if she would have to turn that down or off, the whole party would miss their music, not just inside. Seeing as they only have such a party once a year, this would be really sad.
Right at this point one of my nephews entered and, not seeing yet what was going on, happily greeted me and asked me how I was doing. Teary eyes I simply said 'not so well'. My mum explained him what was going on and he said he actually reads my blog once in a while and he understood. He immediatly led me up to his room and told me I could make use of his computer if I wanted. I happily thanked him for it.
Now I only go downstairs once in a while to greet some people and get myself some food and then go straight upstairs again. Usually I'm comfortable with having Asperger's and can even see how it can be a strength. Asperger's has helped me in many ways, like being very good with events and languages and things like that. Only, this is one of these times where I truly dislike having Asperger's. I wanted to join in on this party. I wanted to catch up with some family members and enjoy the barbecue. Now I'm just a girl alone in an empty room behind a computer with some food. I can do that at home too.
I'm not angry at my family members at all. I understand completely that eliminating the music altogether would make this a boring party in their eyes. I've known them all my life of course and I know that they just love to party like this. Only, this didn't work out for me at all and it saddens me a lot. If I knew this, I would've cooked up some nice food at home and just stayed home.
My mum just came upstairs and told me we would go home sooner than usual this time, so I wouldn't be lonely for too long. That's nice of her.