Friday, 6 July 2012

And she lived happily ever after...

There is something that I’ve started noticing. I’ve written about it before, but after giving it some thought, I’m dedicating a blogpost about it. Have you ever gone through several stories in the media about people with different kind of handicaps, who told their story? It almost always ends with the person managing to make something of their life, finding a great job and being happy. They still struggle, but they feel way better now.

It seems that some people are expecting this from me too now. I have turned into some kind of role model for some people and they seem to hang on to how well I’m doing. Basicly: “If she can do it, then so can I!” Only, I can’t be doing well all the time. I don’t have that happy ending yet. I haven’t found that one job that suits me perfectly yet. In fact, I’m jobless and I don’t know if I’ll ever get well at all. I’m now on my way to find that out. I’m still at the beginning of all that, trying to get help at the Fatigue Centre and things like that. So no, I can’t tell you I’ll be fine. Maybe I will! I do have hope that I will! But I can’t promise anything.

I’ve been thinking about how this happened. I have actually had a conversation where I told my story to someone who has autism too and that person said ‘Yea okay, that’s all sad and stuff, but you’re okay now right? You’ve found your way right?’ and I responded with ‘Well, actually, no, I’m still trying to find my way, but it’s hard…’ and that person had a sad look and simply said ‘Oh…’ and turned around and walked away.
This is the more extreme example of similar things that happened. People seem to actually lose hope in themselves when I have trouble. Suddenly it turns into: “Well, if she can’t even make it, then how can I?”

People, please. Don’t forget that I’M NOT YOU. Every person is unique and I’m not superman either. Just that I’m not there yet, doesn’t mean that you can’t manage it. If you’re just looking for that happy ending story, then please follow Aaron Likens. He’s an even better writer than me and he has found his way after some terrible times. He’s now living his dream live. Find his blog here:
If you’re just interested in a life from a person with Asperger’s and Chronic Fatigue who is still trying to find her way and aren’t connecting your success with mine, than my blog is the right place for you.

Some people seem to think that I’m this emotionally super strong woman who can take anything, since she’s been through so much already. How about I tell you I’m emotionally quite unstable, BECAUSE I’ve been through so much already? This is the sole reason I got Chronically Fatigued. It all went just a bit too far. Again, I’m not saying I don’t have the hope that I’ll make it and I don’t think very badly of myself. But I’m definitely not a superhuman. I’m just a person who’s had a lot against her in life, still trying to find her way through that. If you expect me to have a happy ending story for you, you’ll be disappointed.

I think it’s because of our fondness of fairy tales. It always has this super nice super hero, who has a lot of struggles, but ends up with ‘and he/she/they lived happily ever after’. I think these stories work so well, because we’re all trying to find a story where someone has made it, despite all the things he/she went through. But I’m sorry, I can’t promise you this. I can’t even promise this to myself. It’s too much pressure for me to ask me to be your role model. I can’t. I’m just a person trying her best. We’ll just have to see.


  1. You're more than just a person trying her best. You're a good friend trying her best, and you have a lot of people supporting you the best they can. And because of this, I'm sure you'll get your "happy ever after" sooner of later. It might not be today, maybe not even tomorrow, but you will get there.

    I have no idea about the how, when and with who though ;)

  2. Hoi, ik denk dat je jezelf een stukje beter zou kunnen voelen als je stopt met denken aan de gevoelens van anderen en met zorgen maken over hun. Iedereen is voor zichzelf verantwoordelijk. Misschien krijg je dan wat meer ruimte om rust te ervaren. Anders is het schrijven van dit blog juist belastend ipv dat het je helpt.
    Wat vind je ervan?

    1. Aan de ene kant moet ik inderdaad niet zo zwaar tillen aan de gevoelens van anderen. Het is meer hun probleem dan de mijne. Aan de andere kant is het wel erg lastig voor me om me niet bedrukt te voelen als ik iemand de hoop in zijn/haar eigen toekomst zie verliezen door iets wat ik gezegd heb. Ook al is het niet echt mijn schuld, omdat diegene zelf de verkeerde connectie heeft gemaakt (mijn leven is niet die van hen), voelt het toch wel naar en vind ik het moeilijk van me af te zetten... Ik wil hoop verspreiden, niet de kop in drukken...

    2. Sja, wat kan ik hierop zeggen?
      Deze blog is er juist voor jou, zodat jij een stek hebt om van je af te kunnen schrijven.

      Verders zie ik jou totaal niet als rolmodel of wat dan ook. Don't worry.
      Een ieder is uniek ;)
      En inderdaad mensen die dat wel zo zien... dat is dan simpelweg niet slim van hen. Zo werkt het niet.

      Ik vind het trouwens niet zo vreemd dat je nog zoekende bent. Je bent 20 nu toch?
      Je hebt nog een heel leven voor je!

      Mensen van 20 die al helemaal gesetteld zijn of wat ook, ik moet ze nog tegen komen ;)