There is something that I’ve started noticing. I’ve written about it before, but after giving it some thought, I’m dedicating a blogpost about it. Have you ever gone through several stories in the media about people with different kind of handicaps, who told their story? It almost always ends with the person managing to make something of their life, finding a great job and being happy. They still struggle, but they feel way better now.
It seems that some people are expecting this from me too now. I have turned into some kind of role model for some people and they seem to hang on to how well I’m doing. Basicly: “If she can do it, then so can I!” Only, I can’t be doing well all the time. I don’t have that happy ending yet. I haven’t found that one job that suits me perfectly yet. In fact, I’m jobless and I don’t know if I’ll ever get well at all. I’m now on my way to find that out. I’m still at the beginning of all that, trying to get help at the Fatigue Centre and things like that. So no, I can’t tell you I’ll be fine. Maybe I will! I do have hope that I will! But I can’t promise anything.
I’ve been thinking about how this happened. I have actually had a conversation where I told my story to someone who has autism too and that person said ‘Yea okay, that’s all sad and stuff, but you’re okay now right? You’ve found your way right?’ and I responded with ‘Well, actually, no, I’m still trying to find my way, but it’s hard…’ and that person had a sad look and simply said ‘Oh…’ and turned around and walked away.
This is the more extreme example of similar things that happened. People seem to actually lose hope in themselves when I have trouble. Suddenly it turns into: “Well, if she can’t even make it, then how can I?”
People, please. Don’t forget that I’M NOT YOU. Every person is unique and I’m not superman either. Just that I’m not there yet, doesn’t mean that you can’t manage it. If you’re just looking for that happy ending story, then please follow Aaron Likens. He’s an even better writer than me and he has found his way after some terrible times. He’s now living his dream live. Find his blog here: http://lifeontheothersideofthewall.blogspot.com
If you’re just interested in a life from a person with Asperger’s and Chronic Fatigue who is still trying to find her way and aren’t connecting your success with mine, than my blog is the right place for you.
Some people seem to think that I’m this emotionally super strong woman who can take anything, since she’s been through so much already. How about I tell you I’m emotionally quite unstable, BECAUSE I’ve been through so much already? This is the sole reason I got Chronically Fatigued. It all went just a bit too far. Again, I’m not saying I don’t have the hope that I’ll make it and I don’t think very badly of myself. But I’m definitely not a superhuman. I’m just a person who’s had a lot against her in life, still trying to find her way through that. If you expect me to have a happy ending story for you, you’ll be disappointed.
I think it’s because of our fondness of fairy tales. It always has this super nice super hero, who has a lot of struggles, but ends up with ‘and he/she/they lived happily ever after’. I think these stories work so well, because we’re all trying to find a story where someone has made it, despite all the things he/she went through. But I’m sorry, I can’t promise you this. I can’t even promise this to myself. It’s too much pressure for me to ask me to be your role model. I can’t. I’m just a person trying her best. We’ll just have to see.