Hey everyone! You all probably wondered where my blog posts went to. Someone already asked me if I wasn’t feeling well or something like that. It’s true that you can sort of read from the amount of blog posts that I write how I’m feeling. Lately my head is way too full with information, I have zero confidence in my theoretic driving exam (don’t try to cheer me up on that one, I’ll just feel worse when I fail the exam. Don’t add to the amount of pressure please), I still have no idea how the upcoming year will look like… My mind is so full with things that I’m stressing about, that I can hardly get myself to writing blogs. Sorry if you’ve been waiting for my blogs. But let’s get to the subject that I wanted to write about.
Recently I’ve been shopping for shoes and a jacket. This shopping trip has been an event on itself, as I usually hate shopping. There aren’t that many clothes that I like in the stores and I’m sensitive to any additions on the clothes. I’m talking about buttons that I feel way too much, any pieces of string or cloth meant for decorating that touch my skin, etc. Also, I’m a small person with small legs, but with big hips in comparison to the rest. This usually makes it hard for me to find a pair of pants that look good on me.
All this usually causes for me to shop for hours, just to end up with one set of clothes. This annoys me to no end. Some people love to shop for hours. I don’t.
A few weeks ago we suddenly found some pants with elastics, so no annoying buttons, that look like regular pants when you put a shirt over it! And they were in different colors! I bought three of them, so that quickly got me three new pair of pants. I was elated! No more trying on pants for hours just to end up with one. I immediately got three, in three different colors! I also found a new type of t-shirt, that’s small at the top and a bit wider at the bottom, but with a cool print on it. So it’s comfortable, but it looks pretty cool! (at least, I think so…) This type of t-shirt is being sold a lot now, so this also got me a few of those.
I have too many old clothes that I kept wearing for years as I don’t grow that much, so I really needed something new. Simply because those clothes got too small and they started to rip and things like that. That’s how much I hate shopping: If I don’t have to do it yet, I simply won’t. I’ll keep wearing those old things until they rip and/or get too small. Also, there’s the matter of change. I don’t like to change my style, because that’s ‘not how it’s supposed to be’ and I won’t feel like myself anymore.
But with these new clothes I didn’t feel like I changed myself, even though I slightly changed my style. It was a weird new thing! I had to get used to it, but actually liked it!
Well like I said, recently I had another day of shopping, for shoes and a jacket this time. I walked into the shoe shop and my mother and I immediately went for the type of shoes that I aways wear: black sneakers, maybe with a bit of colour stripes or something… I tried a few of those on, but they didn’t fit me that well. Also, those type of sneakers aren’t being sold that much anymore. I did some thinking and suddenly remembered that a Cosplay (costume) that I have, had some cowboy things to it, which actually suited me pretty well. I told my mum and softly said that I wanted to try something like that. Cowboy-like boots or something… My mum looked at me surprised and I was surprised with myself! That’s a big change for me! Then my mum smiled and quickly went to find a pair.
She found a pair and I tried them on. They actually suited me pretty well! Suddenly I got restless. This never happened to me before! I wore sneakers all my life! This was a change I had trouble accepting, but I liked the boots. This caused an inner conflict and I kept looking in the mirror in shock. What to do? What to do? This isn’t right, but it looks so good… What to do??? Then I decided I just had to do it. I told my mum: “Buy it! Quickly, before I change my mind! I can’t stay this strong for too long!” She bought the pair for me and now I have a pair of boots… Actual boots… I’m still a bit in shock because of this.
After that we went shopping for a winter jacket. We went into a shop and quickly found a good looking jacket. I put it on and suddenly… (fake) fur! There was a strip of fake fur around the whole neck, which was supposed to keep the neck warm. Usually I’m okay with fleece or something like that, but those ‘hairs’ were way too itchy! They itched under my chin like there was no tomorrow and my whole system was instantly overloaded. All I knew was that I wanted the itching to stop. I quickly got out of the jacked, threw it on the ground and told my mother to get it away from me. Was I being childish by just throwing it on the ground? No. I was simply so overloaded, that my whole body just screamed ‘get me out of here!’ and that’s what I did. I got out of there. Or better, I got out of the jacket. I couldn’t think beyond that. I couldn’t think about neatly hanging it back where it was. All I wanted was to get that fake fur away from me.
We did learn from this though. We now knew to search for a jacket which has no itchy things around the neck. I’ll wear a fleece scarf if I want my neck to be warm. This limited our options though, as a lot of winter jackets have something itchy around the neck. But two stores later we actually found a great jacket, which I love. In one of the stores where we couldn’t find a jacket, I actually found two new vests which look a lot cooler than the ones I already have.
So no, I didn’t have any big changed, except for the boots. I still have simple shirts and pants. But it’s the style of those shirts and pants that I changed. There’s more colour and they have a cooler style to them than I normally wear. This may seem minor and not even very noteworthy to most people, but to me it’s a big change and I’m very proud of myself.
I’ve always had problems with clothes. Most people don’t notice it, because they just see me in daily life and I already have the right clothes then. But one day you might see me when I’m wet from the rain and I’ll feel terrible. Most people think I overreact when I try everything I can to get into dry clothes, or dry the clothes that I’m wearing. “You won’t melt from a little water, will you?” Is usually what people say to me with a smile on their face. Of course I won’t melt from a little water. It’s not the water that’s bothering me. If that was the case, I wouldn’t be able to swim either. It’s the clothes sticking to my skin that’s bothering me.
I’ve always had this problem. When I was a child I was even more sensitive to wet clothes and it was such a problem, that I would run to my mother crying and I couldn’t be comforted until my clothes were dry. Now I’m not THAT sensitive to it anymore, but I still can’t ignore it when my clothes are wet. I can’t get used to the feeling. I keep feeling it and can’t relax until I put on some other clothes or until it has dried. Some people think that I overreact, but I don’t. Wet clothes are a really big sensitivity issue for me. There isn’t much that bothers me more than wet clothes. So much even, that I rather wear short clothes in the rain, than wet clothes, because then at least there isn’t so much cloth sticking to my skin. I can dry my skin with a towel. Drying clothes is harder.
I know that some people with Autism are even more sensitive to clothes than I am. There’s a lot of prejudice against this. Some people think that this is just because they are spoiled, but that’s not true. Being that sensitive to something is terrible. Imagine having ants running all over you all day long. It’s a terrible feeling. That’s exactly the way it is.