Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I'm having some much needed rest. I've gotten ill and I'm restless and I'm unable to concentrate, but I'm sure that's just the stress finally getting out.
I'll probably start to feel better soon and then I'll be ready for action again.

In the meanwhile I'm really enjoying Christmas! The first day of Christmas I've had a delicious meat pie for lunch and a wonderful turkey for dinner.

The second day of Christmas I'll be visiting family and have another Christmas dinner there.
Friday I'll be celebrating Christmas again at the Weekly Autism Meeting.

I'm really getting spoiled this week, haha! I'm obviously not complaining.

I wish everyone a wonderful Christmas. Winter is dark enough as it is, so take some time to appreciate the good things in your life. Those things can be as great as love, but also as small as a warm and comfortable bed. Also, everything in-between. Even in dark times you'll find a light somewhere.

Again: Merry Christmas!

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Made it!

I passed my test! This means that I won't have to do my special maneuvers at the final exam. I'm so happy!
With my negative way of thinking, I could only see everything that went wrong in the last lesson and I couldn't see this test go right. This, of course, was a self-fulfilling prophecy and the drive to the test and the practice in the neighborhood went terrible, as my nerves were distracting me. While driving on the parking spot of the examination building I broke down in tears from all the tension. My driving instructor allowed me to let it all out and comforted me a bit.

Throwing out all my emotions actually seemed to do the trick and the test itself went alright! Of course, not everything went well, but it went well enough to pass. I'm so happy! Upon arriving home I got quite hungry and made myself a nice meal. My mother put up some Christmas music and now I'm simply enjoying having passed the test.

The rest of the family is obviously very happy for me. Also, my sister got the package she was waiting anxiously for today and she also heard she passed a test for her administration study too! (Congratulations sis!) So the mood has lifted a bit at home, which also relieves some tension for me.

Next week I planned to have a week off. Only on Thursday I have a busy day, because there were some urgent appointments, but the rest of the week is free. I'm going to fill that time in any way I want. That's my time and I'll see how I'll spend it. I can really use that time off. Let's hope I have some more positive things to say in my blog that week!

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Fun and annoyances at the same time

Soooo... I have no idea whether to make this a positive blogpost or a negative one. Let's start out with the positive.

Last Friday Chill Aut (the Weekly Autism Meeting) had its one year anniversary. Of course we celebrated this! We had lots of food, a nice workshop and other things to do, a speech, decorative balloons, etc. Everyone who was interested was invited! I had a great time.

The day after that (Saturday) I went to the MidWinterFair. I go there every year with my mother and sister and this year was no different. My best friend was also tagging along. Like every year I had a blast. I got to watch my best friend's brother, a friend of mine and another person do a story telling, which they were great at. There was also a ceremony which I attended. Between all of this I visited many shopping stands and got myself a pair of arm sleeves and a new bag. I also enjoyed some nice food, which matched the theme, which they always sell there.
Friday and Saturday were great!

Of course, as is always the case, fun days take their toll just a little bit more with me. But I calculated this in my planning, so that's okay right? I'd just do nothing the whole Sunday, so I'd have plenty of energy to calmly get some stuff done on Monday again. Great planning right? Wrong. My sister and I had to clean up the house and there was tension in the atmosphere at home. I was still very tired, so I couldn't do much, but while being this tired, having to do things on a day where I planned to do nothing so I could rest up was already too much.

In conclusion, on Monday I was still pretty tired. This caused for my schedule to fall apart. I couldn't do much on Sunday, but that little bit was already too much and now my Monday was ruined too. How would I be able to get anything done like this? I tried to get some stuff done on my laptop, while playing a game once every hour or so to avoid overload (I always get overloaded with information sooner when I'm tired). This seemed to work, but soon my laptop started having issues again. Bye bye back-up planning.

Oh yea, I forgot to mention that. My laptop got back from repairs. Apparently they had to format (whipe) my hard disk in order to fix it. In other words: I lost everything. When I contacted them they told me I should've made a back-up and that this was mentioned in their mail. Their mail was huge and I had a few very busy weeks...

My father was nice enough to help me fix my laptop, but this took up all evening. So I struggled with my laptop all afternoon and my father was fixing it all evening.
I decided to go and work on my homework for my driving lessons, as I didn't need a laptop for that. I tried to use the television as distraction in-between to avoid overload. This somewhat worked, but I could hyperfocus on my game, but I couldn't hyperfocus on the television as much. Also, I seemed more available to talk to in the eyes of the rest of the family. This just caused for more information and more overload. Of course they can't be blamed, as I can hardly tell them to shut up and my tv remote in my room has broken, so that wasn't an option either.

So... I didn't get much done, I'm still tired and I have a busy week ahead again. On Thursday I have my 'Tussentijdsetoets' (a test where you show a few special maneuvers when driving. If you pass this, you won't have to do this part on your practical exam. If you fail it, you will have to do them on your practical exam. So you won't have to re-do this test, but of course I still want to pass it).

What is also not helping all of this, is that I don't seem to get along with my new psychologist. This has to improve soon, or I'll ask if I can get my old psychologist back.

So, I had two great days, but they were closed with two terrible days and I don't expect the rest of the week to cheer me up, as I'll be stressing out about Thursday.
Let's just focus on Christmas... Right? (I LOVE Christmas!!!)

Sunday, 2 December 2012

A busy week

Last week I have been terribly busy, so I decided to make a blogpost about something about my Chronic Fatigue this time. There were many appointments for my health (physical therapy, dentist, massage and psychologist), I’ve had a driving lesson, I went to pay a visit to a friend in the hospital, had a meeting with the board and volunteers for the Weekly Autism Meeting, had my broken laptop taken to be repaired…

So Thursday evening, after having had two appointments already, my sister, two friends and I went out to see Rise of the Guardians in the cinema! Of course, this was a terrible decision for my health, seeing I was way too tired. But I didn’t care. I needed some fun time after all these appointments.

Well, we had fun alright! In fact, we had so much fun, that my sister and one of those two friends (he was dressed up as Jack Frost) went for a photo shoot! By the time we were back from the cinema and ready for the shoot, it was already 11pm (23:00), so the second friend went to bed. She had to work the next morning. I went along with the shoot, so I could assist my sister by holding a reflector screen.

We had a lot of fun! We laughed all the time and I didn’t want the evening to end, as I badly needed such a great night.
My Chronic Fatigue was yelling out to me, telling me that I crossed the line. Now, most people would be very tired. In fact, this friend and my sister told me they were quite tired too. Only when I cross the line, I have to watch my health. But I decided not to care that night. I had too much fun and I didn’t have much else planned after that night. And having to end that much fun after such a busy week? Happens too much to me. I didn’t want to do that again. So I continued.
To my friends and sister: Don’t feel bad. This was my own decision and I don’t regret it one bit!

Friday I was pretty tired, but still had to do some small things. But small things are bad enough when I cross the lines of my energy. Today I slept until… I can’t remember! I thought it was 1pm (13:00)? And then I slept some more during the day…
You’d say I must feel pretty rested after all that sleep right? I thought so too, so I promised to cook dinner.

On a side-note: Dinner went amazing! I made nasi (a rice dish) and it turned out great! I’m very proud of myself. It’s not like it’s the first thing I ever cooked on my own, but it IS the most difficult dish I ever cooked on my own. Yay!

Back on track: When I was almost done with making dinner, I felt that my face was getting a bit warm. I thought this made sense, as I was hovering above a hot pan the whole time. But my sister told me that my face was red and both my sister and I know this is a sign of really having crossed my lines too much. At that point it’s either ‘stop by myself’ or ‘my body will feel so terrible, I’ll be forced to stop’. Luckily I was just about done with dinner, so I could just sit down and enjoy my meal and then rest on the couch.

Like I said before though: I still don’t regret Thursday evening/night. I had a lot of fun and I needed that badly. Most of the time I do try and make sure I don’t cross the lines with my energy. It’s important that I watch my health. But sometimes Chronic Fatigue just gets really tiresome (pun intended). Sometimes I just want to forget it for a moment and have some fun. I know that I’ll have to pay for it later, but I don’t care. If I always cut my fun off for my health, life just gets terrible. I’m 21, of course I want some fun in my life sometimes too.
So yea, sometimes I decide to cross the lines of my energy and sometimes I don’t. If I ever decide not to cross the lines and cut the fun off, please remember what I just told you. I have to pay for it the days after. When I have important things to do the days after, I simply can’t cross the lines.

As for last Thursday? Loved it. Needed it. No regrets.