Last week I have been terribly busy, so I decided to make a blogpost about something about my Chronic Fatigue this time. There were many appointments for my health (physical therapy, dentist, massage and psychologist), I’ve had a driving lesson, I went to pay a visit to a friend in the hospital, had a meeting with the board and volunteers for the Weekly Autism Meeting, had my broken laptop taken to be repaired…
So Thursday evening, after having had two appointments already, my sister, two friends and I went out to see Rise of the Guardians in the cinema! Of course, this was a terrible decision for my health, seeing I was way too tired. But I didn’t care. I needed some fun time after all these appointments.
Well, we had fun alright! In fact, we had so much fun, that my sister and one of those two friends (he was dressed up as Jack Frost) went for a photo shoot! By the time we were back from the cinema and ready for the shoot, it was already 11pm (23:00), so the second friend went to bed. She had to work the next morning. I went along with the shoot, so I could assist my sister by holding a reflector screen.
We had a lot of fun! We laughed all the time and I didn’t want the evening to end, as I badly needed such a great night.
My Chronic Fatigue was yelling out to me, telling me that I crossed the line. Now, most people would be very tired. In fact, this friend and my sister told me they were quite tired too. Only when I cross the line, I have to watch my health. But I decided not to care that night. I had too much fun and I didn’t have much else planned after that night. And having to end that much fun after such a busy week? Happens too much to me. I didn’t want to do that again. So I continued.
To my friends and sister: Don’t feel bad. This was my own decision and I don’t regret it one bit!
Friday I was pretty tired, but still had to do some small things. But small things are bad enough when I cross the lines of my energy. Today I slept until… I can’t remember! I thought it was 1pm (13:00)? And then I slept some more during the day…
You’d say I must feel pretty rested after all that sleep right? I thought so too, so I promised to cook dinner.
On a side-note: Dinner went amazing! I made nasi (a rice dish) and it turned out great! I’m very proud of myself. It’s not like it’s the first thing I ever cooked on my own, but it IS the most difficult dish I ever cooked on my own. Yay!
Back on track: When I was almost done with making dinner, I felt that my face was getting a bit warm. I thought this made sense, as I was hovering above a hot pan the whole time. But my sister told me that my face was red and both my sister and I know this is a sign of really having crossed my lines too much. At that point it’s either ‘stop by myself’ or ‘my body will feel so terrible, I’ll be forced to stop’. Luckily I was just about done with dinner, so I could just sit down and enjoy my meal and then rest on the couch.
Like I said before though: I still don’t regret Thursday evening/night. I had a lot of fun and I needed that badly. Most of the time I do try and make sure I don’t cross the lines with my energy. It’s important that I watch my health. But sometimes Chronic Fatigue just gets really tiresome (pun intended). Sometimes I just want to forget it for a moment and have some fun. I know that I’ll have to pay for it later, but I don’t care. If I always cut my fun off for my health, life just gets terrible. I’m 21, of course I want some fun in my life sometimes too.
So yea, sometimes I decide to cross the lines of my energy and sometimes I don’t. If I ever decide not to cross the lines and cut the fun off, please remember what I just told you. I have to pay for it the days after. When I have important things to do the days after, I simply can’t cross the lines.
As for last Thursday? Loved it. Needed it. No regrets.