Workshop - 2

I think I published my previous blogpost a tad too soon. The workshop was about PGB (PersoonsGebonden Budget. It’s a budget you can apply for if you need a lot of health care in your life, which can cost a lot of money). When I applied for the workshop I imagined they’d tell us what PGB is and how to apply for it and then have some exercises to learn how to fill out the forms and how to keep up with your budget.

Well, it wasn’t like that at all. It wasn’t really a workshop, but more one big presentation of 2 to 3 hours with lots of sheets with information with numbers and rules on them. It was like a crash course without any breaks. Unless they had one after I left…

Left? Yep. After a while (I lost track of time. I’d say 1 hour or so?) I got flooded with too much information and had to leave, while crying. I know, I cry a lot, but that’s my way of expressing emotions. One person yells, the other screams, the other punches a wall… I cry.

Anyway, I left the room and took the sheets with information with me for me to look at later in time.

So, what happened? There was simply too much information to progress in a short amount of time. You know that feeling when a school year has nearly ended and you can hardly focus on your homework, because the feeling of needing a big holiday gets bigger and bigger? It’s that, times a thousand, achieved in just one hour.

They kept jumping from one subject to another, laying out all the rules, giving us a lot of numbers, telling us everything you will need to do to manage the budget, making us do some math exercises to practice, etc. At one point in time I said “I’m getting pretty discouraged by all this.” To which they simply replied “You’ll be fine after some practice.” Later in time I said again “This is really a lot for me!” To which they said that I could just buy a cabinet for all my administration and I’d be fine. I already mentioned my Autism, but nobody seemed to catch on. I don’t know how familiar they are with Autism there…

So even after saying that it’s a lot for me, they kept on going with more and more information. At one point I even put my hands against my ears, in order to have some quiet progressing time. This helped to some degree, but then I realised I missed some information because of this and the amount of progressing needed to get back on track, was enough to fill my head again. I just needed a break…

After a while I couldn’t focus anymore. I heard the words that were being said, but they didn’t get progressed. This is when I decided I was better off just leaving and to look at the sheets later. I tried to state this to the group as calmly as I could, but my whole system was shaken and I couldn’t control my emotions and broke into tears while saying that I had to leave because of the amount of information and I left.

A lady followed me while I was putting on my jacket in the hallway and gave me some advice where I could get guidance for the PGB. I was familiar with the foundation she mentioned, so I could remember it. After that I told her I couldn’t hold on to any more information and left. I’m glad they were all so understanding when I left. I just wish they caught on sooner. But maybe I should have just said “I need a break.” Instead of that it’s too much. Why do I always realise this afterwards, instead of when I need it?