I know I already posted a blogpost today, but I just needed to get this out of my system, or I wouldn't be able to sleep.
Tomorrow we’ll be going to the Efteling, which is a very well known amusement park, with Chill Aut (the weekly Autism Meeting).
Going to the park on itself isn’t really a problem, especially not with my sister joining too. My sister and I have been going to that park at least once a year, so we’re comfortable walking there and we have a steady routine of things we want to see and in which order we want to see them.
Only… I won’t be going in this order this time, since I’m with a group. Also, I’m a board member of Chill Aut. There’s some level of responsibility I’m very scared of now, because I can’t help others if I’m in a place with lots of overstimulation myself. I’m great with that at conventions and stuff, but when I have to find my own way in a big park, it gets a lot harder.
Also, I’ve been in parks with others more often and sometimes you have these people who mindlessly run towards an attraction, without considering that they have company who can maybe be very tired or something like that. This is where both my Chronic Fatigue (too tired to run along) and my Autism (can’t keep order) start being a problem.
I’ve mentioned this problem to my sister and to the person guiding the board and they reassured me they’ll be watching out for me, but I’m still a bit anxious about all this. Just not knowing what is going to happen and if things might go wrong… Of course, things might go well too, but I just don’t know.
It’s weird on the one hand, because I’m used to meetings. But on the other hand, I’ve always been together with my sister and/or close friends who were watching out for me. Now I’m with people who expect ME to watch out for THEM and well… I’m just not sure I can. I really hope they can understand that.
People from that meeting are probably reading this too. Don’t feel bad when you read this, this is more my problem than it is yours. I’ll manage. For all I know, things might just go smoothly tomorrow and I’ll get home a happy girl. I just don’t know and that’s what’s bugging me.