Monday, 13 August 2012

Not on my mind

This week has been a turbulent one for me, as many thoughts and emotions plagued me, but I’ve also done some fun stuff. To protect myself from collapsing completely from all the things that happened, I have shut myself off from thoughts of certain things that just needed to happen. Things that I can’t do anything about until the time is there.

What do I mean with that? For example, the Fatigue Centre. Tomorrow will be the intake. There I’ll find out whether I want to go through with this or not. This centre has plagued my thoughts a lot, but I couldn’t know my answer until the intake is there. So I decided to just leave it be and focus on other things. This has helped a lot in one way, but it has a nasty side-effect to it.

Because I have focussed on other things, so I wouldn’t worry too much, I simply forgot about the whole thing until today. Today I saw it on my calendar and had to discuss the time we would go there with my mum. Because it got on my mind again, I suddenly realised something. I completely forgot about the daily log I had to keep for them! I can log in to their website and I have to give numbers to certain aspects of my health. For example, today I would give my fatigue a 7, as I had a bad sleep last night because of someone holding a big party with the bass loud.

Why did I forget about this? Didn’t I care? Don’t I know how important this is? No, that’s not it. I do care and I do know how important this is. It’s just that I threw every thought of the Fatigue Centre away for a short time, as every thought of it had negative associations for me that I couldn’t solve yet. Things that I can’t solve, keep occupying my mind, so I had to completely throw it away and with completely, I really mean completely. I didn’t realise, though, that I wouldn’t think about the daily log.

This happens to me sometimes. When I try and distract myself to lift my mood up again a bit, I sometimes forget about a few important things too, which usually upsets a lot of people. I’m very sorry about this, I don’t mean to do it. My sister just came up with a good idea. Maybe I should put these kind of things as an alarm in my phone, when I try and distract myself from a subject that has important daily things like this. I’ll try that next time. I hope I won’t forget to do that either… For now I’m focussing on the intake that’s tomorrow.

On a little side note: The London Olympics was amazing! Too bad it’s over. On to the next one!


  1. Good luck :-) And the calendar is a good idea, you can set it with a start and end date, and when it should repeat :-) A true "set it and forget it" solution IMO.

  2. Je bent in elk geval goed in mapjes sluiten (in je hoofd).
    Best relaxed lijkt me dat!

    Misschien een idee deze blog te gebruiken.
    Samen met wat je nog weet van de afgelopen tijd.
    Kan je vast nog aardig wat opschrijven.

    Veel succes met de intake!

    1. Meer goed in complete ontkenning, haha! Want ik moet er dan ook echt compleet niet mee bezig zijn, anders zit ik er weer mee.

      Deze blog gebruiken werkt niet zo goed. Dat logboekje is geen geschreven tekst. Je moet cijfers geven aan hoeveel gewrichts/spierpijn je had en hoeveel malaise en hoeveel hoofdpijn enzovoorts. Dit weet ik allemaal niet meer.

      Maar goed, ik hoef dat logboekje niet meer bij te houden, want ik ga niet bij hen in behandeling. Wat ik dan wel ga doen zal ik in mijn volgende blogpost schrijven. Nu eerst even bijkomen, ik ben doodop.