Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Not fair

People regularly tell me that I'm not being fair. I ask others to be clear about tasks to me, to try and stay calm, to stay true to what they promised, understanding me and some other things. The unfairness here, is that those are things that I struggle with a lot. I have trouble keeping organised in my head, and as such also have trouble verbalizing what I mean in a short and clear sentence. Because I sometimes have trouble regulating my emotions, I have a hard time staying calm in emotional situations. My unorganised mind, combined with moments of hyperfocusing, sometimes has me forgetting about appointments and things that I promised. My Autism can also make it difficult sometimes to understand another person's emotions.
These are a few examples of things that I need others to do for me, which I have trouble with returning the favor.

It's true, it's not fair at all. I totally agree with you and I wish it was different. I wish I could return the favor and provide all the things that you're providing for me!
The problem is that I can't. That's exactly the reason I need you to provide those things for me. Those things are things that I have trouble with providing for myself. I need others to keep my head organised and calm and to help me understand the world and myself, because it's so very hard for me. In some cases even impossible.

This is a hard thing to grasp for some people. "But if you know how hard it can be for yourself, then why would you ask it from someone else?" My answer to this is simple: Would you ask a paralysed person to walk, just because he needs you to push his wheelchair?

If I was just as capable of doing something like the rest of you, but just found it a hard job to pull off, then I wouldn't ask someone else just to make it easier on myself. That's just mean. But in this case it's a lot harder, and sometimes even impossible, for me. It's so hard, that sometimes it's making life itself nearly impossible. Just as impossible as it is for a paralysed person to walk.
That's why sometimes Autism can be very unfair, but it's not being mean or lazy. It's that we sometimes need your help a lot and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts, even if we can't always express that properly. Thank you!

1 comment:

  1. Ja Ellen, ik ben het helemaal met je eens (alweer? xD)
    mensen hebben ook al vaak gezegd dat ik lui was ofzo, dus ik ken het, ik ervaar dit zelf ook, maar het komt goed, we moeten er gewoon voor elkaar zijn.
    Groetjes Rob v/d Wal