At
first, my apologies for being late with a new blogpost again. It’s very hard to
me to think of things from my daily life to talk about. There’s plenty to talk
about, but with some things I just don’t know how to make a proper blogpost
about it and with other things it’s about conflicts I have with people I know.
I don’t like to blog about that, as it can hurt people’s feelings. That’s not
what my blog is for. But I got a new topic to talk about!
If
you ever visit me at my house, there’s one thing I’ll always tell you right
away. I’ll first offer you something to drink and then tell you that if you
ever need another drink, just tell me. You’re also allowed to get something to
drink yourself.
There’s
a good reason I say this. Is it because I’m actually that rude that I can’t
even take a few minutes out to get you something to drink? Or that I’m that
rude that I don’t want to bother to offer something to drink myself?
No,
that’s not it. I’m actually trying to be a nice host here. I have a lot of
trouble thinking about little needs from other people. Like thirst, for
example. It’s not that I don’t care. When I see that someone has some sort of
negative emotion, be it sad or angry or lonely or whatever, I’ll ask what it
wrong and try to help. It’s simply that subtle emotions are lost on me, I don’t
see them. I can’t see when you’re thirsty and subtle hints hardly ever work on
me. Also, when I get lost in all the fun we’re having, thinking about something
small, like thirst, just doesn’t happen. Again, it’s not that I don’t care. I
simply have a hard time thinking about small needs, until the topic comes up.
For
example, you’ll find that when I get thirsty myself, I’ll usually offer my
guest something to drink too. This is because I’m suddenly reminded of the need
of something to drink and will remember that I haven’t offered something in a
long while.
So
I don’t make you ask for, or get a drink yourself because I don’t care, but
because I know I easily forget about such a thing and I don’t want you to get
thirsty just because it’s considered polite to wait until a drink is being offered.
I’d feel very bad about that.
I
have trouble with forgetting about small needs of others like that all the
time. The same goes for plants. When I was young my parents got me a small
cactus to take care of. They figured ‘surely she won’t let a cactus die’. Erm…
Yes I did. I took great care of it at first, but after a while I forgot about
the cactus, because I got distracted by other things in life. The cactus was
slightly out of sight, so I was never reminded by it either. Three years later
I suddenly saw my cactus standing there. Or rather, I saw it slightly bended
over and turning grey… It was dying. I actually let a cactus die, simply
because I wasn’t reminded of it.
A
lot of people who hear this story, usually immediately wonder what I’d do with
a pet. Well I can tell you that I’m scared of most animals and don’t ever want
a pet, so that’s easily solved. We did have dwarf hamsters when I was little,
but they were in a cage and they weren’t mine. My brother and sister owned
them, so it was their job to take care of them.
I
was never really bothered by all this, as I never had animals or plants to take
care of after the cactus. I do feel sad that I sometimes forget about the small
needs of others too. I’m sorry about this.
But
about a year ago I suddenly realised that I’m growing up and will eventually be
living on my own. When I live on my own, I will probably want some plants
around as they’re good for my health and they’re fun to have around. But what
good is a plant, if I can’t take care of them? I also saw that I sometimes hurt
the feelings of my (by now: ex-)boyfriend by forgetting about his small needs.
This hurt me deeply. He understood that I was seriously trying, but still… I
want to be there for my boyfriend, not just for big issues, but always. I’m
single now, but I’m sure I’ll find a boyfriend again and then I want to be
there for him. So, time to work on this.
I
wanted to teach myself this by getting a plant, because if I screw up with a
plant, it isn’t that big an issue. But I wanted a herb, so that I’d be rewarded
with a nice meal immediately if I take proper care of the plant. With the
opening of the Weekly Autism Meeting one of the volunteers came up with an
activity where you could grow garden cress (Dutch: tuinkers) in a very creative
way. This was perfect timing!
It
was hard, as I had to figure out how to take care of garden cress (how much water
do I give, what temperature does it need, how frequently do I water it, etc),
but I eventually managed to grow some! I rewarded myself with a nice sandwich
with cheese and garden cress. Loved it!
After
that I tried to grow some more herbs. I failed miserably. Luckily a friend of a
regular visitor of the Weekly Autism Meeting was an expert at plants and he
told me that the seller of the herbs simply had me put the wrong type of herbs
next to each other and that it was doomed to fail. So it wasn’t my fault after
all! I got excited again and wanted to try again. To keep my motivation I would
play it safe and use garden cress one more time.
But
then my life got a little harder, as I started working somewhere which cost me
a lot of my health and got fired again because I was ill too much. (If you want to know more about me getting fired, check out this blogpost: Fired )
This
took so much out of me, that I laid the idea of growing some more herbs aside.
After a while I forgot where I had put the seeds, so I had to go and buy some
new ones. I found my old ones again and now I have a whole bunch. Then I kept
forgetting about it… See? Forgetting about little things again. Recently I
started thinking about it again, but other things demanded my attention.
Now
I got sick of myself and told myself to get to it. Today I have a day where
nothing is planned, so I emptied out my old plant pots, got in new Earth soil,
put in the seeds and put water on it. Now I simply need to remember to water it
each week… Fingers crossed!
Ik ben benieuwd of je straks een klein kruidentuintje in je kamer hebt :)
ReplyDeleteIk ben trouwens ook goed in het vermoorden van cactussen en sommige andere planten.
Ik geef ze goed water, zoveel dat ze wegrotten.
Is me nu al heel vaak overkomen, maar ik leer er kennelijk niet zoveel van, haha.