Not on my mind

This week has been a turbulent one for me, as many thoughts and emotions plagued me, but I’ve also done some fun stuff. To protect myself from collapsing completely from all the things that happened, I have shut myself off from thoughts of certain things that just needed to happen. Things that I can’t do anything about until the time is there.

What do I mean with that? For example, the Fatigue Centre. Tomorrow will be the intake. There I’ll find out whether I want to go through with this or not. This centre has plagued my thoughts a lot, but I couldn’t know my answer until the intake is there. So I decided to just leave it be and focus on other things. This has helped a lot in one way, but it has a nasty side-effect to it.

Because I have focussed on other things, so I wouldn’t worry too much, I simply forgot about the whole thing until today. Today I saw it on my calendar and had to discuss the time we would go there with my mum. Because it got on my mind again, I suddenly realised something. I completely forgot about the daily log I had to keep for them! I can log in to their website and I have to give numbers to certain aspects of my health. For example, today I would give my fatigue a 7, as I had a bad sleep last night because of someone holding a big party with the bass loud.

Why did I forget about this? Didn’t I care? Don’t I know how important this is? No, that’s not it. I do care and I do know how important this is. It’s just that I threw every thought of the Fatigue Centre away for a short time, as every thought of it had negative associations for me that I couldn’t solve yet. Things that I can’t solve, keep occupying my mind, so I had to completely throw it away and with completely, I really mean completely. I didn’t realise, though, that I wouldn’t think about the daily log.

This happens to me sometimes. When I try and distract myself to lift my mood up again a bit, I sometimes forget about a few important things too, which usually upsets a lot of people. I’m very sorry about this, I don’t mean to do it. My sister just came up with a good idea. Maybe I should put these kind of things as an alarm in my phone, when I try and distract myself from a subject that has important daily things like this. I’ll try that next time. I hope I won’t forget to do that either… For now I’m focussing on the intake that’s tomorrow.

On a little side note: The London Olympics was amazing! Too bad it’s over. On to the next one!