Just neutral...

Let me just start by saying that the blood test went well. It’s still stinging a little bit, but that’s all. I wanted to write some nice blog post about everything that happened yesterday and today and about how it all affected me… But I can’t.

Why can’t I do that? Because I don’t even know how I’m feeling at the moment. There have been both happy and sad things, I have been stressed, I have been anxious… But I have also been happy and relieved. In short, I have felt a great amount of emotions in a short period of time. This has resulted in a sort of emotion overload. This sometimes happens to me when a lot of emotional ups and downs happened.

I think it’s a kind of protection mechanism that helps me process everything. I just go into this neutral state. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anything, but my emotions simply aren’t that big and I just live very much in the moment. A few years ago I went into a similar state after a very harsh break-up. After the break-up (which happened through MSN) I just sat down in a comfortable chair and stared off into the distance. My mum asked me if I was okay and I simply told her that I didn’t know yet, that it was like my body was still deciding whether or not I was okay with all of this (turned out that I was not).

In a more mild way (I’m not staring off into the distance) I’m in a similar mood right now. I have no idea if I’m happy or sad… I know that I have been happy. I know that I have been sad. Am I happy or sad at the moment? No idea. I guess I might say I’m content at the moment. I’m fine with this mental state though. It gives me peace of mind and a very objective view on certain issues, which makes it easier for me to sort them out. I can’t say I’m very productive now though, but I’m not too bothered by that. So yea, that’s what is going on right now. I think I’m okay with this.